Whoever said running your first marathon was hard was lying. It’s actually unbearably brutal.
So I guess, if you’re about to run your first marathon, you should probably stop reading now, lest you blame my disheartening account for bowing out of your first big race and start pelting me with protein gels, power glide sticks, and exploding ninja stars. Continue reading
I have good news and bad news for you.
The bad news is that no matter what you’re writing—a novel, a short story, or a hummus recipe—it’ll always be a work in progress no matter how good and finished you think it actually is. Don’t believe me? Reread your story (even a published piece) six months later, and see just how quickly you start marking things up. All writing, no matter how good, can always be better. Anyone who tells you their writing can’t possibly be improved upon is full of…um…defecatory expulsions.
The good news is that this process of rewriting a previously-considered-finished-draft is a tremendous opportunity to produce an even stronger draft. Continue reading
If this is you in front of your computer, you’re either animated (which presents a whole other set of challenges I can’t address here), or you have a serious case of writer’s block. So what can you do about it and get back to writing that masterpiece about the crime-fighting bottle of habanero sauce?
There are already approximately 50,014,029 books, blogs, and breakfast cereal prizes offering proven tips on breaking writer’s block—like chugging warm ginger ale after eating six finely-chopped habanero peppers (non-crime-fighting variety). Personally, I think many of these tips are silly (everyone knows you need at least 14 habaneros), which is why I’m offering these 10 whimsical tips that have helped me. Sort of. Continue reading
Dear Creativity,
Thank you for your new, and frequent, submissions and project initiation requests to the Department of Project Development and Coffee Consumption. We appreciate your continued, persistent, and slightly alarming interest in submitting ideas to our overworked department. Continue reading
I sometimes can’t answer a simple question: “Why do you write?” Sometimes, I think I write because I should. That because Latinos are still struggling to legitimize ourselves to mainstream America, those of us with creative skills have the responsibility of using them to help our gente.
Sometimes I think that I write because I enjoy being able to craft the kinds of stories I’d want to see with the characters I’d like to follow. That if mainstream America won’t give us the Latino heroes in film and books, then we have to create them ourselves. Continue reading
Like most writers worth their weight in salt, part of what I do is imagine different scenarios and what-ifs. And, because I’ve been in marketing for 10 years or so, I’m often wondering just what people were thinking (and what they were on) when they were coming up with ads.
So, I got to thinking about how Goodby Silverstein & Partners, the ad agency that came up with the super-successful and oft-imitated “Got Milk” slogan for the California Milk Processor Board, came up with the winner. In true writer form, I’ve fictionalized it in the secret memo below! Continue reading
Dear My Own Worst Critic,
We regret to inform you that you are being removed from your position as Director of Creative Development effective immediately.
This decision came after extensive discussions with the heads of the Department of Personal Fulfillment, the Department of Happiness Procurement and Logistics, and the psychiatric wing of our Identity Discovery Solutions and Implementation Department.
The decision to terminate your role stems from the unanimous assessment that you, My Own Worst Critic, are the least qualified person to be reviewing, critiquing, and encouraging our work. Though you have been warned multiple times over the past few years, you have repeatedly failed to handle the day-to-day operations of the Creative Development Department in a compassionate, constructive manner. Your infractions include:
We encourage you to put your ego-crushing talents to better use in the professional sports world, in politics, or with the Screen Actors Guild, all of which have the necessary big ego budgets to accommodate your managerial style. In the meantime, on behalf of Me, Inc., thank you for your service, but please go away now and let us get to work.
Sincerely,
Ulises Silva
Director of Human Resources and Quirky Implementations
Me, Inc.
Dear organization who is looking for dedicated employees who can turn around any project, big or small, and do so with creativity, efficiency, and steadfast determination,
Have you thought about hiring an author for your open position? Authors already have the intangible qualities you’re probably looking for in a model employee: dedication and focus, the ability to keep ideas structured and cogent, and a great sense of long-term planning. To say nothing of an author’s ability to write better than that intern who thinks OMFG is a great way to start an e-mail to a prospective client.
Think about it. Few people can match the dedication and focus of an author penning the next great space-faring magical goblin trilogy. After all, authors are people who willingly dedicate unhealthy portions of their finite lives toward the creation of books most people will never read. The threat of perpetual obscurity doesn’t stop them. They continue to labor, content and maybe deluded into thinking their literary efforts will make the world a better place. They focus in on their make-believe worlds, their characters, and their adventures with the kind of precision lasers envy.
Even better, they maintain that dedication and focus as they tackle what, to most people, is an insurmountable task. Most people run, faint, or curl into a fetal position at the thought of writing a 500-page book. Not authors! They know that all it requires is a steady, disciplined march from page to page and chapter to chapter—and lots of caffeine and snacks of questionable nutritional value along the way. Now where on Monster.com are you going to find that kind of intrepid (and slightly insane) dedication toward intimidating projects?
Still, dedication would be nothing without the ability to keep ideas structured, organized, and cogent. And what’s a good book if not a story that takes a plot from inception to creation to conclusion within the span of 500 pages, all without straying into tangents or irrelevance? Not that all authors do this well (I did say good book), but at least they have a sense that a plot or an idea must be consistently executed and maintained throughout the book if they’re going to get positive user reviews on Amazon.com. Isn’t it nice to think that there’s an author out there who can manage your next big marketing campaign so that your e-mail blast doesn’t blow plot holes into the direct-mail campaign you just finalized?
An author knows how important it is to keep all plot points, sub-plots, characterizations, subtexts, campaign elements, mailings, contacts, online ads, printed ads, and deadlines structured and interconnected. In other words, authors have an impeccable sense of long-term planning, especially since the last thing they want to do is write themselves into a corner where they can’t figure out how Frido the Magical Elf Goblin is going to escape from his burning ship while still saving his planet from the death ray bearing down on it at that moment. Now think of how that long-term planning will benefit your organization. Isn’t it great that you’d have someone at the head of your marketing team who’ll anticipate the potential obstacles during the SEO keyword integration process and craft a solution so that your e-mails aren’t getting caught in spam filters?
So, Mr. organization who is looking for dedicated employees who can turn around any project, big or small, and do so with creativity, efficiency, and steadfast determination, in conclusion, I’d like to remind you that I’m an author. And I’m dedicated and focused. And I’m great at keeping big projects cogent and structured. And I have a fantastic sense of long-term planning. And, best of all, I know the difference between its and it’s. Please hire me.
Sincerely,
Ulises Silva
Author, Solstice, voted the Best Obscure Feminist Sci-Fi Novel of 2008 (seriously)
Despite all my denials, kicking, and screaming, I turned 38 today. Yay. I remember liking birthdays once upon a time (i.e., around the time I still thought Alf was wholesome, relevant entertainment). Now, they’re a yearly reminder of how much I still want to do as a writer—and how little I’ve accomplished as one.
Like something out of Inception, I woke up this morning at 6 with an idea. A simple idea of starting this blog, if only for the sake of documenting my madness and sharing it with others. You fellow writers out there will understand the neurotic need to write out our thoughts, ideas, anxieties, and curry recipes. So, here are mine. For better or worse.
Though it’s only a number that vaguely structures our lives, the number 40 is now two years away for me. And as I thought about that this morning, and realized that I only had my first novel, Solstice, to show for my literary efforts, I told myself that I had to step things up. Especially if I wanted to publish a second novel and complete a third before I turned 40. 
The good news is that the second novel, Inventing Vazquez, is done. It’s been done since a year and a half ago. And I’m infinitely happier with it than I was with Solstice, especially since I found my more natural writing voice (i.e., first-person narration…albeit from a woman’s perspective @_@…eep).
The bad news is that, well, six months of querying literary agents got me nowhere. Not even a recommendation from a friend to her agent got results. My natural inclination was to doubt myself and assume it’s because I’m just a bad writer. But I’m being a bit kinder to myself now. I mean, the publishing industry is one where the Sarah Palins and Glen Becks and now even the Snookis of the world can get books published, but not people with talent, integrity, or a Latino surname. So I shouldn’t be surprised an agent doesn’t find an unknown Latino author marketable. At least ebooks seem to be the real deal, so self-publishing may end up being my route again.
As far as completing a third novel, there’s good news and bad news too. The good news is that I’ve got two novels in the works: sequels to both Solstice (Equinox) and Inventing Vazquez (Electing Choi). Even better, Electing Choi is almost 407 pages in (about 75% done), and I’m happy so far with where Equinox is heading.
The bad news is that I hit a creative snag with Electing six months ago and haven’t touched it since. And Equinox is a challenging project that’s only seven chapters in and still not out of the Okay-I-Actually-Hate-This-Zone. (I’ve started and aborted lots of writing projects in that zone.) The holidays interrupted my writing schedule for Equinox, but I’ll be back on it soon and hopefully guide the novel into the safety of Officially-Labeling-This-A-Viable-Project Status. I think that status is achieved at page 100, and I’m at page 71.
Which is good. Because my neurotic need to lead a life of productivity and tangible results has made me anxious about turning 40 without doing more. Publishing Inventing Vazquez and completing a third novel will make me feel infinitely better about entering my 40s.
Otherwise, I’ll officially declare myself perpetually 39 years old and buy myself more time.
